Surrender

I am the classic Type-A personality. 

Wikipedia describes this personality as "ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status conscious, can be sensitive, care for other people, are truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point,proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence" (Bolded words highlight the traits that I see in myself)

When we were dating, Micheal would often laugh at the variety of lists that I carried with me.  There was my work to-do list, the list of daily chores, the list of weekly chores, the list of monthly cleaning schedule, a grocery list, my workout plan, the list of books I wanted to read.... and on and on.

I live for my lists, my routines, my control.

So what happens if life throws me a curve ball and I have to change my plans mid-stream?

I FREAK OUT!

My desire to always be in control and live by my routines has lead to numerous disagreements in my 4 short years of marriage. In my head, I have a vision of how our day is supposed to unfold. But when you are trying to get 3 people - one of which is a toddler - thru the day something inevitable happens.  Then I would get flustered, feel agitated, and wind up snapping at Micheal. I was angry that he wasn't sticking to the plan.  Problem was, I had never told him the plan.

I've taken this same approach with my faith. I try to plan my quiet times,  plan my time to pray, plan my time to give service to my Heavenly Father.  But that's not how it works, if God is going to be the Lord of my life. He has to be the one in CONTROL. And I am supposed to surrender.

Psalm 37:7-9 says

 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land."

Wait patiently - that is not easy for me to do. However, the Lord has been calling for me to do this. He is asking me to surrender my plan, releasing the death grip I have on my life, to throw away my "control" of my life and wait on Him.

The thought is terrifying to me. Part of me (a really large part) wants to throw temper tantrum like my 3 year old and say "No. I don't want to and you can't make me."  But the small voice inside of me is whispering that my life has proven time and time again that God's plan far exceeds my own.  And so I am taking a deep breath, uttering a prayer, and surrendering to my God.